Living here in Germany - an American's take on some of our differences (and similarities)

Let me start this post by telling you about a recent incident on the tram.  Me and 5 American gal pals were off to American Nails to have a pedicure. (I promise this is not all we do and I have not had a real pedicure in a year and a half, so no judgement, please.) We were celebrating back-to-school as all mothers do! Well, on our tram ride home, we were talking in our normal American voices. If you have not been here before, I will let you know something. Our normal American voices are considered VERY LOUD. And I wrote that in all caps for a reason. At restaurants, we have been told we are too loud. On the tram and bus, we get "the look." But I think this is the first time I have experienced personally the very demonstrative gesture. I wish I had a video, but this older gentleman, after a friend turned around to talk to me, made an expansive exasperated gesture with his arms, a disgusted noise, and then got up and moved to another part of the tram! All because we were talking. And really, I promise, it is not that loud. (Although, the silence on the rest of the tram makes you feel like it is. I think it is an unwritten rule that you speak in a very low voice on the tram - like facing forward in an elevator.) Well, it was soooo funny, we all laughed - and that WAS loud! 

Also, I had to readjust to people being a bit rude again with the beginning of school and the drop off and pick up. The horn honking that occurs at drop-off and pick-up drives me crazy!!!  These people KNOW there is going to be a back up in traffic and that there is NOTHING we can do to make the car line go faster. They still honk and still look at you like you are a CRIMINAL for driving your child to school as they finally inch past you after scaling the sidewalk. Now, normally I don't drive the boys to school, but Zee is a slow mover and I have been giving him this first week to adjust. But it is still allowed - I mean, I can drive him to school when I want, this street will ALWAYS be backed up during school drop-off and pick-up. I want to yell out TAKE ANOTHER STREET!!!  But instead I smile and wave and turn on my Southern charm in an attempt to lower my own blood pressure and annoyance level. I tell everyone the story of sitting at that red light in Clemson through 3 red lights before I finally put the van in park, got out and walked up to the sweet little old lady with the line of 10 cars backed up behind her. I literally walked to the point she needed to pull forward to in order to activate the light. Not one person honked. No one yelled. No one used expansive finger or arm gestures. And we were finally able to go on our merry way.

I was speaking today with a German friend here who has just moved back after being in the US for several years. She mentioned to me it is embarrassing to her to hear stories of how rude Germans are, to hear of the bullying in the schools, and to hear of the racism (a variety exists, but the Turkish people are a large target, as are the Polish). At that point, I felt called to reassure her that sadly, people like that are EVERYWHERE. I did not think it reflected upon her, and one of my first dear friends here was German. Our neighbors are all WONDERFUL German people. I confessed I was from the Southern part of the US - and sadly she immediately understood. I explained that I understood what it was like to have a reputation just by the very fact that you are from a certain part of the country. My friend from the Czech Republic said that she used to think all Americans were overweight and sitting in front of the TV all the time. All these stereotypes we build in our head - there are certainly elements of truth in them. That is how the ideas gain traction. But for the most part, they are exaggerations of how people are - and there are so many of us fighting those stereotypes, attempting to temper the ignorance with a little knowledge.

BIG BREAK

I wrote the above last September, but realized I never published it. Woops! So I'm publishing today while I am playing blog catch-up with another sick kid at home. I don't really have much to add, except I keep thinking about these things having just been back to the USA. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to meet and make friends from all these different cultures - what a privilege to have my heart and mind opened to new ideas and thoughts and people. I am blessed and thankful.

I threw in some pictures from last fall - because what is a post without photos? :-)

Us at an Oktoberfest party

Does the bag give it away? Brussels, Belgium for a day trip with Carin. (We are totally being American tourists here, sports shoes and cargo shorts!)

Where we spend a lot of our time - on the pitch! (Silas is near the front in orange shoes and black leggings with the white jersey.)

Celebrating Silas's 13th birthday at our favorite local Italian restaurant, La Bruschetta!

Test anxiety

I was in the upper school today and notice students bent to their papers today, taking a test. I literally felt a little of the anxiety creeping in- you know the feeling. A small lump in your throat, dry mouth, heartbeat thumping, sweaty palmed anxiety we would feel over the hopes we would be able to regurgitate what we had learned, and even occasionally apply that knowledge to a new situation. That made me reflect on school for my younger boys here. I haven't really shared a lot about the boys' school situation here. They are in an international school that uses the IB curriculum throughout the entire school. At this school, that means no homework or tests in elementary school. NO HOMEWORK??? I know that is what you are saying- whether from envy or disbelief! I LOVE the no homework policy for the younger kids. They are really so overwhelmed with the 7 hours in school. The no homework policy allows time for them to take a break in the afternoon, do all their after school activities directly after school, and we can have family dinner every night. I know. EVERY NIGHT. Quite frankly, the pace I will be returning to in the US makes me nervous. I remember the days of Chick-Fil-A 4 nights a week, practice and games at different fields, and a husband on the road. No thanks. Although we have our moments of stress here, it usually involves how to be in two places at once with only one car. (Yeah for public transportation!) And of course, Stuart and/or I over-committing ourselves. I would love to say we are cured of that, but that would be a lie- we are still learning the hard way. But back to school thoughts. I do recognize that my boys are not moving through their material as fast as they would in the US, particularly math. However, I have also noticed a broader understanding of the material as well as a significantly greater ability to communicate their understanding. They spend a lot of time analyzing, understanding, and reflecting on their learning. They also make connections to things they already know, helping them remember what they learn and further apply it to their own lives. Public speaking and writing skills are emphasized across the subject areas. So they begin to work on technical writing as early as kindergarten! They also do their first presentations in K5. All of these things I LOVE.

I recognize they will have to move back into the US system. And the younger two may indeed be behind in some subject areas. But I think the exposure to other cultures, their ability to be articulate, contributing members of a group, as well as their second (& third for Silas) language abilities will make up for the first few months back when we are struggling through homework and catch up work. In addition, they have become independent and responsible thanks to catching public transportation to and from school, relying on their own wisdom when/if they miss their stop. (Happened to Zee yesterday!)

I really miss the US- but I don't miss the frantic pace of life, and the constant attempt to beef up the kid's résumé starting in kindergarten. I think the biggest plus for me though is in my boys- particularly my middle one. He is transformed into a much calmer, confident, and motivated learner. He is much improved at public speaking. And he likes school.

We were so lucky in the US to have a great preschool and fantastic teachers in the elementary school we were in- but their hands (at least in the public elementary school) were tied when it came to what material they had to cover and even in some of the ways they had to cover it. And the testing...well, in a kid who failed his hearing and vision screenings in kindergarten because of the people around him, does he have a chance in a test taking situation with kids all around him? He was handicapped before he started- the test was testing only how well he could calm himself down and tune out the noises around him, not his actual reading comprehension. However, his nervous system has matured now, he has more confidence. I think he will be ready to enter that world when he hits 6th grade.

So I am truly thankful for this time of education for the boys- for my oldest to thrive, for my middle to gain confidence, and for my youngest to continue to love learning. I'm glad they don't associate learning with test anxiety and the possibilities of failure. I know that tests are a necessary evil (Silas has a Spanish test tomorrow), but I am grateful for the elementary school policy that protects our little ones.

I have no proper conclusion and I am tired, so this is it. This post all started with those middle years students test taking and ended with me wanting to create a post entirely on my phone. Yeah! Done! (Editing not so easy on the phone- please ignore all poor grammar and spelling- although it may be my own fault, you should still ignore it!)